Stress level: WHY DO MONEY EXIST

You have absolutely no idea how stressed i am right now trying to save up for the wedding. And for the post wedding.

Every single day i have to psycho myself,

'InsyaAllah rezeki ada, rezeki ada'

REPETETIVELY. IN MY HEAD. ALL THE TIME. TO KEEP ME SANE.

But most of the time i'm hyperventilating at how much time i have left to save up thousands of dollars. I'm talking about 5 DIGIT THOUSANDS in a couple of months time.

Most people would probably have approx. 2 years at least to save up, or they're just rich kids.

No wait. I shouldnt start comparing like this. Count your blessings Syahirah come on.

Hakim is going all out with his work too.

And i totally understand that.

He has the duit hantaran, his new car, and the exact same expenses i have all up on his shoulders.

But sometimes, honestly man, i know this is selfish but i cant help feeling neglected whenever he has to work.

Especially if he has to go on his weekly night shifts. My God i hate his night shifts the most. Thats when our timings dont match at all.

I get up for work, he comes home from work. Cant even text bcs he'd be asleep during the day.

I come home from work and he leaves for work. Cant even text bcs i'd be asleep at night.

That whole week, i can count the number of text we send to each other with my fingers. DREADFULLLLLLL.

Sometimes i cant even show my tantrums bcs he'll either be too tired to notice, or i'll feel too guilty to act up.

You know how annoying and frustrating it is to be a clingy partner?

Not like you ask for it. It just happens.

Seriously, of all behaviours, me, clingy?!?

Totally not.

But thats how it is now. And i cant help it.

And its so damn tiringgggggggg.

To constantly hope and expect.

And if not met, i'll drown myself in sadness and disappointments in which to be honest, the things that i'm disappointed with are not much of a big deal most of the time really.

Like 'ek elehh gitu pon nk merajok ker'

But it is what it is. I cant explain why i became this way.

Seriously guys, i can even merajok if he doesnt give me the heart emoji when he says he loves me hahahahahaha

ridiculous level: bullshit

Lets just hope everything will go smoothly.

I have faith in Him, my One and Only.

InsyaAllah and Bismillah!